Today’s Phrase for Latin Lovers

Rex in Regno suo superiores habet Deum et Legem.

Translation:
The King in his Realm hath two superiors: God and the Law. -- Henry Care (1646-1688) on English liberties and the Magna Carta

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Ancient History

|Pop Culture

Obamacare Sales Pitch Gets Desperate

The Obamacare enrollment numbers stink, especially when looking at how few young people are signing up to strap on the healthcare costs of the nation like a bunch of foolish pack mules. So what’s a failed government program to do to save a presidential legacy?

Knowing their target market are the types that would be willing to lick a toad to get high, the Obamacare sales force is resorting to the intoxicating mating dance of the newt. That’s right. Their last ditch effort is the Salamander Shimmy, to the tune of “Drop It Like It’s a Horney Newt.”

Feast your eyes.

The rap video clip is from a new ad/music video by Covered California for their contribution to the Obama administration’s #GetCovered campaign. The Obama impersonator, Iman Crosson, who has done other Obama-praising rap videos throughout the president’s five years in office, again sings the praises of “President Barack, President Barack, President Barack” who is “two terms strong” and “when my critics get an attitude, I tell ’em to stop.” And that Obamacare stuff? Pseudo-Barack raps that you should “sign up, ’cause it’s hot.”

Plus I’ve got this healthcare which has got it going on! [their exclamation point]
….
Affordable healthcare officially a “go”! [again their !!!!!]
That’s better than what we had a year ago! [again, drop it like it’s ditto!!]

Now here’s the sales pitch for salamander youth:

Your options are really wide ‘sprizzead’
Don’t worry ’bout what them, they, her or he said.
I can educate you, this can be your health ed. [so shout out to Common Core!]
Jump on your mom’s plan that’s how you get ‘ahizzead.’

Wait, is signing up for Obamacare and paying for old people’s healthcare the same as your mom adding an extra person to her policy? Ok, I’m interfering with the sales pitch like some old fogey over 26. Back to the hip messagizzead!!

Pres and I’m the man, been the Pres since “Yes We Can”
And I dealt with all this healthcare while dealing with Iran! [so…2 ka-BOOMs?]
So don’t try to talk about my plan like the people haven’t wanted this [Eminem this Iman is not]
They’ve waited long for this
And it covers all conditions that could preexist? [their question mark. lol]
You should think about it. Take a second.
Matter of fact, you should take it easy
And rock to this jam from ‘B-Rock O-Beezy’

Last verse is a lulu:

If you choose it just use it they can’t refuse it
No preexisting condition could ever make you lose it.
So tell a friend or a random guy
I’ve got a game changer right here that saves lives. [except for the ones it decides to kill]
So don’t stand and diddle, my healthcare’s the ‘shizzle.’
It’s chock full of top notch healthcare ‘provizzles!’ [like maternity care for men and pediatric dental for gramps…mandated by the Presizzle]
We’ll cover all your ‘vizzles’, your ‘dizzles’ AND your ‘tizzles’
Now while you figure all that out, it’s back to that ‘chorizzle.’

So they even admit they’re throwing a bunch of malarkizzle at you, full of nonsense, knowing no one can figure it out, so let’s get on with the chorus while you sign up anyway.

It’s like telling the youth of America at their graduation ceremony to ignore any voices warning you of tyranny. Who needs liberty when you can #GetCovered in government?

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Muchas gracias to a mystery man of disputed ethnicity for his superb editing assistance in bringing this news flash to you.

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